TRAUMA & DEPRESSION. You live with the feeling of needing to hide your true self from others, the fear that eventually everyone will realize that you aren't good enough and leave you, or the feeling of being broken beyond repair. These beliefs have been with you for as long as you can remember. These beliefs impact all of your relationships.
STRESS & ANXIETY. You feel overwhelmed, stressed, or anxious at work, at home, and in your relationships. You hide it well. The hiding is exhausting. You take care of everyone at the expense of your own needs and wants. You sometimes wish someone would take care of you, but you can never seem to let that happen.
RELATIONSHIP DISTRESS. Your partner is unhappy, and they say they want more of you. They want to know what you’re thinking and feeling, and they want you to be present with them. When you’re criticized, you feel terrible. You feel like you’ll never be good enough. You resolve that you just have to be perfect, and you beat yourself up when you fail to be perfect.
SEXUAL CONCERNS, LOW SEXUAL DESIRE, & PAIN DURING SEX. Your partner wants you to WANT to have sex them. You want to check sex off your “to do” list and be done with it. You don’t know how to WANT sex with your partner. You don’t know how to stop cringing when you’re touched. You may even have pain or discomfort during sex that makes you avoid it at all costs. You don’t know how to find energy to give more to your partner. You ask yourself, “What’s wrong with me? Why don’t I want sex?”
CONFLICT. When you’re upset, you either become passive aggressive or you lose your temper and then feel really guilty. You tell your partner that you don’t need or want anything, and you try to ignore that anything is wrong. You feel resentful and annoyed, often thinking, “My needs and wants don’t matter anyway.”
PARENTING CONCERNS. You want your children to have a voice, to stand up for themselves, to be known by others. But you’re worried that they are doing what you do in relationships- hiding to maintain the appearance of perfection. You want to parent them differently, to protect them from feeling like they can't ever be good enough
Worried individual counseling will be too uncomfortable or won't work? It makes sense that you're anxious about discussing problems that you deal with by trying not to think about them. I will create a safe place for you to explore these problems without becoming overwhelmed. I am compassionate and nonjudgmental. I am curious and interested in you and your experiences in your family and relationships. I will never judge you or be shocked by what you share. I will often invite you to stop judging yourself. I will help you recognize that your needs and wants matter and help you learn how to communicate them in healthy ways. I will help you navigate difficult conversations and conflict in ways that improve trust and intimacy.
It makes sense that you have fears about whether counseling will work. I will hold the hope for you. Individual counseling works, and my solution-focused approach will help you understand why you are doing what you're doing, learn skills and change the behaviors that are keeping you stuck, and create the positive connections that you desire.
Can you imagine what that will look like? It will be worth it.